Saturday, May 31, 2014

Ostrich Moments

So our brand new water heater had a leak in the drain pan and it was pouring water out.  This soaked the carpet in the other room and we had restoration guys come out once again.  Since my computer is in that room and I can't go in,  I've stolen my hubby's computer for the moment to write a quick update.  Hubby says soon I'll have my computer room back.  I admit I haven't wanted to blog much lately.  All I can think about has been my results of the biopsy that I just got done.  It wasn't exactly pain free and I'm glad I didn't read too many Fine Needle Aspiration stories before going in.  I read them afterwards.  Some of them were downright scary and if you need one done then I would suggest staying away from the internet.  Hubby had to watch the kids so I went alone to the appointment.  There are times as a parent, you want someone to hold your hand.  It doesn't happen very often, but I wish he had been there, bad jokes and all.  During it, the one nurse touched my shoulder in a comforting manner and it is exactly what I needed.  I needed to know someone cared and knew that I struggled as I laid there while they inserted needle after needle into me.  I have had crazy thoughts of well maybe that nodule will just pop and disappear like a bad zit when they do the procedure.  However, reality sits in and I must stop being the ostrich with its head in the sand.  So I wait and wait some more.  I try to spend my time with the kids and keep myself busy till I know.

Saturday, May 17, 2014

Bumblebee Moments

Has it really been a month since my last post?  I'm not even sure where to begin anymore.  My life has been thrown for a complete 180.  I once read a fortune cookie that said to never trouble trouble till trouble troubles you.  Well I think I'm in trouble and I'm not sure how to go about it.  As you know I was expecting to get a clean bill of health on tests and right now I'm scheduled to do further testing.  I once had a boss who told me that the reason he hired me was because I wasn't afraid of anything.  I told him I think I'm afraid of everything.  I was young then and grew into my own as an adult and didn't have much to worry about.  I had a great journey and often times very painful, but I pulled through.  Now I'm faced with something to really worry about.  It has kept me up at night and my nights are filled with taking care of the baby and just thinking about the future.  People will tell me it will be okay, but how do they know for sure?

We had our water heater go out a couple of weeks ago.  Now I could have been extremely upset about the whole thing and trust me doing a rendition of Flashdance in the shower is definitely not as sexy as it seems.  However, I was able to take my mind off of the medical appointments for just a tiny fraction and that made it bearable for me.  Now there is not this huge distraction and I honestly can't wait for the upcoming appointments.  The pot that never boils quote really holds true here.  I have to wait till insurance figures out their part and that has taken an entire week.  Throughout it all though, I'm still a mommy and I have mommy duties.  I love my girls and they mean the world to me.  In martial arts, we always talked about living in the moment and I've had some great moments.  A couple of days ago, I showed my toddler this beautiful flying bumble bee which was enjoying the nectar of the flowers and it was such a great moment.  Another awesome thrilling moment was when my one year old discovered my belly button.  Best entertainment I think I've had in awhile.

Thank you for hanging in there with me and understanding why I don't always post.  If this is your first blog post read then I would suggest starting at the beginning.  I had WAY more entertaining things back in the day.  I'm hoping to get good news in the next few weeks and thats all I can do is hope for the best.  Hope everything is okay and I get to see more bumble bees in the future.