Facing the Facts

So you are probably thinking this chic never posts anymore.  Yep, I kind of agree with you.  I've got my hands full being a Mom and I love being a Mom, but no one ever raises their hand and chooses to do it alone for the majority of the time.  Well I'd been sick again and both girls were too.  My toddler had her first ear infection which isn't too shabby since I know many little ones struggle with reoccurring ear infections often.  Yes, RSV is nothing to sneeze at either.  Right now I'm in the middle of trying to wash everything they came into contact and if they wore it once then it goes right into the laundry.  During this RSV fiasco, I had my own doc appointments.  Well I learned a valuable lesson.  No one EVER wants to hear the C word when you are sitting in a doctor's office.  I promise I'll explain more later when I get all the tests done.  However, you do sit back and start thinking about things and since it runs in my family, I just have to wait till they give me that piece of paper saying I'm fine in order for me to be completely satisfied.  Anyway, that about sums up the past two weeks.  So if you are reading this then yes I had my hands full.

In other news, my daughter started speech therapy sessions and I am so excited about that.  Its a hard thing to admit your toddler needs help in that category.  I hear other toddlers just yap away and it makes me feel pretty much a failure when I'm around other kids.  I do have a girlfriend who was pregnant the same time as I was and she has a similar struggle with her little boy.  I made the joke with her that maybe they communicated via womb teleconferencing they would be a handful when it comes to speech.  Okay, in all seriousness, it is a struggle for me to not hear my daughter say Mommy.  She can say Daddy just fine, but I get mostly cries and whines when she wants something from me.  I wish you knew just how much it tears me up inside to even admit all of this.  However, this is my blog about mommy truth and if you have ever watched Stewie say Mommy a billion times and run away then honestly that is what I secretly crave.  It's hard to face the facts and the speech therapist did say it had nothing to do with me, but sometimes it can't be helped.  I think as parents we beat ourselves up over things and this is my struggle.  If you are reading this and your child is not performing at the level they should then you are not alone.  The assistance that my girlfriend and I are receiving is on a state level and we both have the same program even though we are in different states.  It is called Infants and Toddlers and I encourage you to not wait if you suspect your child is not yapping clearly enough.

Pennies

Do you believe in pennies sent from up above?  I think I do now.  I know my last post was not very forthcoming, but I think I had to process it first before I wrote about it further.  A week after I wrote my post, my cousin lost his eight year battle with cancer.  In one week, he was gone and I never got to tell him goodbye or what he meant to me.  The next night as I took the girls swimming, I was a bit all over the place and couldn't concentrate.  It was apparent to me when I couldn't even multiply four times eight and yes, I do feel a bit silly now for that error.  However, I still wanted to keep my routine for the girls and so I took them.  In the locker room, I had been by this bench several times especially when I was getting the girls dressed after swimming.  I bent down to try to maneuver my little girl into her outfit and there was this penny.  Something prompted me to look at the date as I picked it up and put it into my pocket.  I walked out with my girls in tow about two minutes after that.  Later that night, I asked his sister if that year was significant to her brother and she told me it was the year he graduated high school.  It completely took me off guard and yet it comforted me at the same time.  What are the possibilities and the likelihood that I would find a penny with that specific year?

So maybe I got to say goodbye after all.  If I could have written to him before he passed away, I would have told him I had always looked up to him.  He was someone who never belittled me or made me feel like I was just this pesky little kid.  He was funny, smart, and of course handsome and thats the way I'm going to remember him.  When my girls meet that someone special, I hope its someone like my cousin.  He was THAT nice and I really wish cancer had not taken him away from his family.  I am truly a blip in all the people who knew and loved him, but I was lucky to have known him.  I was lucky to find that penny too.  It means a lot to me now and I have kept it.  I'm not sure what I'll do with it just yet, but I think in time I will…

Today & Tomorrow

Today I received some rather sad news and it's been on my mind for the better part of the day.  I'm not sure how to process it right now.  I watched my children play at my feet and knew they had no idea the turmoil I was involved in.  I know this is rather short and it's not suppose to be very witty because honestly there are going to be days that just are sad. There will be happier times, but if I didn't write it then you would only have this rose colored picture what my life is like.  I do hope this finds you well and as you peek upon your children, do yourself a favor and savor those moments of innocence.  Be happy that you are there to protect your loved ones and make an effort to do something nice for them tomorrow.  Give them a hug or take a break from your computer and go for a walk with them.  I'll let you decide, but whatever it is I hope they remember that moment with you.

How Do You Rate?

Have you ever seen an abandoned dirty diaper on the side of the road?  Do you wonder what kind of parent would just leave their child's waste behind like that?  Today I was in the park playing with my girls and we walked by the picnic tables and right there laid a diaper.  I have to admit its pretty disgusting to just see trash lying around in a park where your children play, but its an even worse offense when you see a dirty diaper.  Now granted I didn't see any waste receptacles in the area and if I had spent maybe two hours, I could have cleaned up the litter leading into the park too.  The sonic ice cream cups, the empty beer cans, and plastic waste.  I watch Survivorman and in almost every episode he seems to find some kind of leftover human rubbage.  I highly doubt though he would have used the diaper.  Maybe I should email Les and see if he would have done something with it.  Would he even dare touch it?

In all fairness, I admit I'm kind of tired of being part of the Waste Management Team.  I've been a horrible cloth diapering mama and you can be critical all you want, but trust me this upheaval in our lives has not been easy.  I still use biodegradable diapers and when they make a mess, I'll do the right thing by disposing it into the toilet.  So in five hundred years when they search landfills for clues to our human existence, I know that my child's DNA should be long gone.  Seriously, we should chat about my thoughts on being put into a coffin and rotting…okay that was definitely a joke since we all know how long it takes a body to decompose these days once they pump formaldehyde into our corpses.  I remember a story about how they pulled a body from a grave to solve a case from fifty years ago and the body was in mint condition.  MINT CONDITION.  Think about that when you start your burial plans and yes we all go at some point in our lives.

Anyway, back to that dirty diaper on the ground and how those parents would have been given a D minus in Waste Management.  They did fold up the diaper so its not an F per say.  However, I feel sorry for the child who sees their parent just leave trash and not do the responsible thing.  How hard is it to take it home or toss at the nearest gas station?  We are ultimately teaching our kids its okay to leave a mess and our trash behind.  Once out of sight, out of mind, right?  Well tell that to the park guy or to the person who comes across that dirty diaper and thinks "REALLY?!? What kind of parent does this?"

My Nostradamus

Many individuals know of Nostradamus and if you don't then you need to start reading a little more than just my blog.  He is associated with predictions and that is what most people think of when his name pops up.  However, did you know he was a plague doctor?  During the time, I was past 40 weeks with my now toddler and I was desperate to have that baby.  I researched EVERYTHING and I came across rose hips as a way to help the body go into labor.  The rose hips did not help me and I finally had my little girl at 42.4 weeks.  Well during my research, I came across Nostradamus as using rose hips during the plague.  He was lancing the boils and helping the victims overcome this wretched disease with the use of rose hips.  Sadly, he lost his family while he was away trying to save others and they say he lost credibility for not being able to save his own family.  It is actually a really interesting read if you want to delve into it sometime.  Honestly, I haven't paid much heed to his predictions so I am rather out of touch of what has come true and what hasn't.

Well my husband was away for work and both girls and I came down with the flu.  It was pretty miserable.  I was dealing with a baby throwing up all over and that one morning, I woke up throwing up myself into a small hand towel and not being very successful in missing the carpet.  It was an absolute nightmare for me.  I felt so bad that the one day all I could do was give my toddler crackers for lunch.  I felt like the worse parent on the planet since I couldn't even get off of the couch.  Luckily, I only gave her crackers since she had horrible diarrhea when I did give her real food that evening.  That was definitely an eye opener.  Anyway, I Skyped with my parents and I asked my mom to come.  I was pretty desperate for any help whatsoever and I would have understood if she had said no, but she didn't.  I felt as if I was the luckiest daughter ever to have a mom willing to travel a few hundred miles just to come help.

My mom showed up and we quickly started to sanitize everything in the house and to work on the piles of laundry.  I had not eaten or drank much in about two days because I just could not stomach it and I didn't have the time to sit in the bathroom tending to myself when I had two babies who were sick too.  Although I am surprised at how energetic sick kids can be.  The moment when I almost fell over because I was so weak and my mom caught me sticks in my head.  She was there for me and I thought to myself that I hope someday I am willing to go into the lion's den to help my children.  My mom knew what she was getting into when she came, but it did not stop me from feeling guilty when she came down with it too.  It is a bit amusing that out of it all, my mom told me she did enjoy her visit with her grandkids.  I guess I never expected that to be the tone of her visit, but they truly enjoyed seeing my mom again.  My little girl actually came running into the living room looking for her Grandma and when she couldn't find her, came back, and gave me this confused look.  It was a bit heartbreaking to tell her that Grandma had to go back home.

So my mom was my Nostradamus last week.  She didn't come bearing rose hips with her, but she did come prepared to help us get out of our misery and to make our lives organized once again.  I hope I'm never that ill ever again and I think the last time I recall being so sick was when I was in high school.  Yep, those moments kind of stay with you and I hope I can look back at this time knowing I had the best mom I could have ever asked for.  It is a wicked flu season and I know people across the country who have come down with it.  There are the lucky few who seem to be immune to it.  My one girlfriend who got thrown up on by my daughter didn't get it nor did her children.  I've had friends here get it without even seeing me so I know its making its way across the USA.  Just be prepared if you do succumb to it and if you lose a few pounds like I did then be happy about one small positive outcome of it.  However, I definitely wouldn't recommend it as your weight loss regime though.  Not one single bit….

What's Your Focus?

So where have I been???  Ha I can't even tell you the level of insanity that has occurred since we moved in August then again right before Christmas.  If you need a one through ten kind of guess then try fifteen!  I have missed blogging though.  It is my outlet, but my kids come first and so I walk away.  I believe as a parent you need to set down the computer tablet and focus on parenting.  I used to do martial arts and the grandmaster was discussing how to focus on just one task.  If you are watering your plants then you are not trying to talk on the phone at the same time.  Live in the moment was the lesson for the day.  I know we don't do this enough.  My tiny overlords keep me so busy that I don't do this enough.  I'm just trying to survive so the house doesn't go up in flames.

The next time you sit in your car at a stoplight, pay attention to the people around you.  You will notice they are not focused at all on the road.  It is rather scary since you will see how distracted as individuals we have become.  Is parenting the reason behind our lack of focus?  Toddler needs this and the baby wants to be held and to manage it all takes skill which I'm afraid I don't always have.  Hubby wants attention too, but I'm so touched out especially since I nurse the baby that I would just rather hide in a closet.  Honestly, that is my focus and sadly I look to find opportunities to just be alone.

I know if I sit in the car for an extra five minutes while the kids are asleep that I might get a few more precious moments right then for some me time, but at the same time sacrificing later in the day.  If my toddler gets a nap late in the afternoon, it is an absolute fight for me to get her to go to bed at a decent time.  She is in that transition of not having a nap at all and when she does take a nap it is pure heaven for me.  I get to focus on spending quality time with the baby or having a moment to cook lunch without a toddler being underfoot.

So what do you focus on as a parent?  Do you know right away what is sacred to you?  Its funny to me all the things I used to enjoy five years ago, is pretty much irrelevant to my life now.  I used to enjoy retail therapy and now if I have a clean shirt right before I walk out the door, I'm doing a good job for the day.  My direction has changed and that's okay.  I just have to live with the guilt as I look at my poor dead plant to know its my children who keep me from watering it.  Yes, I admit I'm a plant killer...

A Sleeping Toddler...Is that just a myth?

Okay so I always feel when I get the toddler down that I have achieved the ultimate success.  Its been tough on her after we moved and I have found myself comforting her by staying in her room till she falls asleep.  I can get her to sleep for naps without this routine, but she likes our ritual reading and for me to stay when she goes to bed at night.  I have found myself waking up off the floor and for some reason I don't mind.  I think its the only true quiet time I have in our small apartment.  We have a heater in her room and I'm bit of a cold blooded snake and I just gravitate towards her room.

So am I wrong?  Am I going to make her the one who is fifteen years old who can't fall asleep without someone right next to her?  I sure hope not!  I want a happy toddler and as you know, toddlers are rarely happy unless they are getting their way.  I will say that we had plenty of sleepless nights because she would crawl into bed with us.  It was not working out with nursing baby and two adults in a queen sized bed.  When we had moved we honestly couldn't find her bottle which we gave her to go to bed with.  Yes, I'm a bad mommy...usually it was water or chamomile tea and yes I regret doing the easy way when she was only 8 months old.

It was kind of great that the transition to no bottle was relatively simple, but then we had the midnight and two o'clock wakeup with her crawling into bed with us.  During the move, our daughter figured out that sleeping with mommy and daddy rocks!  The one night we went grocery shopping and she literally drank almost my entire smoothie.  However, slept the entire night in her own bed.  This made me realize she was probably hungry and not getting enough before bedtime.  So we tried a few smoothies and I am no expert at making them and ended up drinking most of it, but she still slept in her own bed the whole night.

Tonight before bed we fed her some banana and almond butter which she loves, a few baby carrots, and a slice of cheese.  It wasn't an amazing smoothie, but enough to keep her in her own bed for the entire night.  A bedtime snack I don't find entirely wrong either.  I'm sure some nutritionist will tell me I'm leading my child to a road of obesity, but one its not formula and two she still has a good 12 hours before her next meal.  When she was waking up, it was a good 14 hours or more before her next meal.  I know I can't go that long so why expect a toddler to be able to do this?